if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
