why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
