Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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