GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
