I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
