Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
