you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
