When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
