no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
