I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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