I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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