I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
