the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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