Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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