I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
