watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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