remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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