You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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