you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
