from now on my penis is your penis
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
