Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
