three words: i give head
three words: not that well
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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