He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
