What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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