got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
