Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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