Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
