is your mom at the bar?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
