Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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