I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
