Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
