If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
