By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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