he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
