Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
