I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
