Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
