All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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