dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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