I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
