There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
