I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
