Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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