We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
