I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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