mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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