a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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