Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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