my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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