What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
