I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
