Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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