Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
