I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
