Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
