im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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