I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
