so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
