How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
