Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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