I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
