Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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