I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
