I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
