oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love you. Go after that dick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
