dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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