she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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