Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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