Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize