there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
