You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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