glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
