so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
