my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
