Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
