tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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